I sit in the car. Wrestling with my mind. You see, these demons inside my head are strong. They don’t want to die and go silently into the night. They want to hang on to every last territory they have their hands on.
I used to scoff at the idea of “The Enemy”. After all, I was enlightened. Had the truth. A strange twisted truth, but the truth.
There was no devil, no big entity called Satan, out to destroy me. Instead I had something SO much scarier: I had the “old man” living inside. Warring with my “new man.” I basically believed that I had this split personality possession! Ironic, because I rejected (for the most part) the idea that I could be possessed by an evil spirit. I didn’t even really believe much in spirits.
Definitely made it hard to understand YHWH.
I finally realized, and believed, that I was me. A new being in Christ, just as it said in the scriptures. Then I was exposed to the existence of an unseen world – a spiritual world that I had not seen before.
One night, while asleep, I felt something come into our room. My husband was dealing with business at that point and we’d been praying for him to find peace. I found myself pushing my hands and saying, “NO. You stay away.” It unnerved me. Beyond belief. I was shaken by the thought that whatever it was, it was real…if not in this dimension…in another. It made me realize…there’s much more going on than I can see.
It’s been a process, opening my eyes, to see the Kingdom. And now that it’s real, and I’ve seen it, I’ve discovered something else. The other Kingdom. The one that doesn’t want me to leave this world of sin and death.
I still don’t believe that the source of evil is as people say it is. But I’m not ignorant. I read the scriptures. I can see and feel the Holy Spirit move. I myself, have been oppressed by a spirit. A curse. One that I had the joy and fearful experience of deliverance. I KNOW this stuff is real.
So, now, now that I see the Kingdom…I can see the spirit that resides with me. Wrecking havoc on my soul and mind. I am warned about the enemy. I no longer scoff. There is an enemy. And it resides inside my mind.
It mocks me day and night. It tells me that I’m unworthy. It tells me that I don’t see the Kingdom. That I’m not saved. That I’m a delusional, simple-minded mess.
I say ENOUGH. I recall Paul’s words:
Romans 8: 1-11 (New American Standard)
1Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 10If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
That SAME power that raised my Jesus from the grave…the one I love so deeply…that power resides in ME…to raise me from the grave of who I am. I’m not broken…I’m just wounded. I’m not unworthy. I’m loved. That question was already answered 2000 years ago.
I just simply have to believe the word and go forward.
And I find it’s as simple as just recognizing the voices in my head and telling them to be silent.
You see, I’m not any different than the disciples. Jesus had to remind them of the power they had.
Matthew 17:14-21 (New American Standard)
14When they came to the crowd, a man came up to Jesus, falling on his knees before Him and saying, 15“Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is a lunatic and is very ill; for he often falls into the fire and often into the water. 16“I brought him to Your disciples, and they could not cure him.” 17And Jesus answered and said, “You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him here to Me.” 18And Jesus rebuked him, and the demon came out of him, and the boy was cured at once.
19Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not drive it out?” 20And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. 21[“But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”]
Have you ever seen a mustard seed? It’s small. This life, this journey, it does not require a big, extravagant faith. It requires a simple faith. Faith like a child. Just believe. Believe I have the power. Act as I have the power. Work within the power. The power of the Kingdom.
It’s really that simple.