Once upon a time a broken girl gave birth. Into her arms they placed a tiny baby girl. Silent pain urged her to keep her baby safe. Protect her from the people who would harm her and things that would shatter her soul. Provide her a life unlike the one she had known. Keep her baby from becoming a broken girl.
Time marched on. The broken girl was a momma. Diapers. Bottles. Sleepless nights. Dreams and prayers. Fears. First steps. First words. The baby grew fast. Two little boys joined the girl. Later another girl would complete their family. Life threw punches. Fights. The momma feared she was not able to keep the girl safe.
The girl began to develop her own ideas. How could one girl be so stubborn and sweet at the same time? She pulled away from her momma. Momma tried her hardest to connect. The girl kept pushing her away. Her fears renewed. Had she failed? Would she be broken too?
The girl moved away. It wasn’t momma’s idea. She didn’t want her to leave. She knew that she needed to let her go, to a place where she was safe. She said good-bye and cried as the car left, taking her girl away.
Life was kind. The girl met a boy. He made her feel safe. Soon the girl would become a momma. She called her momma. Please come. I need you. The momma left with her other daughter, leaving behind her two boys. They drove across the country. The Boy was born. Mother and daughter now shared the bond of a momma’s heart.
One day, the girl shared her secret. A pain that she kept hidden. See, she knew that her momma wanted to keep her safe. Safe from the pain she had carried her whole life. And more than anything, the girl wanted to give that gift to her mother … but she couldn’t. And so they talked. And the pain in her momma’s eyes was more than the girl could bear.
But the Heavenly Father is merciful and He is kind. The girl would be whole and it would make the heart of momma glad.
Tonight I was doing nothing. Literally. After a couple days of craziness around town I need the break. Going through my Rhapsody playlists, I stumbled upon Matthew West’s Broken Girl.
The words took me back to a place I was. A broken girl. Used by others for their own pleasure. I made a choice. To not stay trapped in the past. To break the chains that held me down. To stop dying and start living.
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a Love they can never steal away
And you don’t have to stay the broken girl
Broken Girl by Matthew West
It wasn’t easy. The task of bringing the broken little girl out of the darkness was debilitating. Memories haunted my dreams night after night. Waves of nausea as the images flooded my mind. Burning anger as I began to accept reality. I felt like I would not survive.
In the midst of this time, I found a surprising love. The love of a Father who would heal the deep broken places in my soul. The love of a Savior who would whisper beautiful over and over. The love of a husband who would not allow me to escape the reality of our daily life. The love of my children who showed me how childhood looks. The love of my momma who let me be angry. As they filled me with love I began to love again. That little broken girl. The one that I spent so much time hating. I loved her. I let her be who she was. By loving the broken girl I was, I found who I am — A whole, beautiful, loving mother, wife, daughter, sister, auntie and friend. The daughter of the most high. The one who Jesus loves. Forever changed by love.