The world has gone mad. Wars in the name of different gods. Brothers fighting brothers. Mothers ending the lives of their unborn children. Husbands leaving their families for a ‘newer, hotter model’. Children bullying one another. Teachers looking the other way. Government overstepping boundaries. People silently looking away as Rome burns. It breaks my heart. I can’t imagine how it breaks the heart of the Creator.
I walked with the husband into a big sports store. We were taking our daughter’s bike for maintenance. Such are the problems of a middle class family. In the midst of the store, surrounded by fancy gear for people who run, my heart began to ache. We had been talking about people needing to eat healthy, the government wasting money on planes to bomb quietly and a lack of clean water for people on this planet. He whispers, “And every morning a child cries because they are hungry.” My momma heart wept.
I wanted to scream how unfair it is, that my child doesn’t go to bed hungry, and another momma’s does. I felt torn between being grateful for what I have and ashamed that we have blessed our children with a wonderful life. Joy unbelievable, that my little girls will not be violated by their father, while so many others will be.
I just can’t bear the weight of it all. My heart bleeds. Tears flow down my cheeks. And I just want to scream and scream and scream … as if that will solve all the wrongs of this world.
I hear him whisper. This God that I have known my entire life. The one who held me in the dark while I cried myself to sleep. The one who told me that I was beautiful while the world told me I was dirty. The one who rescued me from hell while I was still trying to remember I was alive. The one who has become a father to me, something I swore he’d never be. He whispers, “I know. I bled too.”
And once again, I’m undone. Undone by the fact that this world is evil and broken and messy. Undone by the frustration of not helping a child make a change that lasts. Seeing the light snuffed out once again. I’m just completely undone. Heartbroken. And it’s all that I can bear.
He gently reminds me, this is not my battle. I can’t fight all the evil in this world. I can’t fight a society that is more hell bent on looking right than doing what is right. I can’t fight a person that would rather spend money on self-indulgent living and ignore the bleeding souls of little ones. I can’t fight parents who look away as their child makes choices that will harm them for the rest of their lives. I can’t fight a father who can say he loves his daughter and ignores the fact that he violated her soul. I can’t fight it all. It is not my battle.
I can only surrender to what I know. I am loved. Loved far more than I can even put into words. I am alive. I am free. And all I can do is continue to walk in that love. To show others the love I have been giving. And keep looking at the light. It’s the only hope I have.