It never fails. You try to do something different. Something radical. Something good. And the doubters arrive. Letting you know that you’ve failed at this before.
And you want to try to be firm but polite. You want to show how much you don’t care what they think. You want to be the better woman and move on. But you don’t. You open your mouth.
The tongue is a wicked, wicked fire…
It doesn’t matter that you’ve just spent a few days in heavenly places. Your butt has falling back to earth. There you are. Stuck in the middle of your junk. Reminded of just how messed up you really are.
Life, really sucks some days.
You try to fight. But you find that somehow your energy has been zapped…your resolve to continue fighting left somewhere between the closing of your eyes and the opening of the very same eyes the next day.
And you stand there and wonder, “Just what the heck just happened?”
EVERYTHING in you says to fight. But your logic, your reasoning, says to conform. To submit. To realize that you have been deluded to believe a lie.
And like your mother in the beginning you begin to say, “Hath God said?” Did HE really say that? Did HE really save me? Did HE really make me wonderful and beautiful and in his image?
And you find yourself feeling the “alive” disappear and the familiarity of death return.
And you weep.
Because you just are too weak to fight the doubters.