My heart has been heavy the last few days. Lots of news. Sad. Heart breaking.
A baby growing in the tummy of a mommy, still a girl, with a daddy, still a boy. My heart breaks for the baby. I want to say, Please, let me give this little one a chance at a better life; give you a chance for a better life. Give you time to grow up. Instead, I stay silent, and pray. Pray for a child yet to be born into chaos. Pray for parents whose puppy love isn’t enough to handle the stress of a newborn child. Just pray. And mourn. Mourn for the children who lost their innocence and found themselves parents. The saddest thing: they are not old enough to drive a car…yet are old enough to create another human being. Sad.
A new day dawns. A phone call arrives. More news. My brother-in-law faces surgery. The surgery is the result of a momma who couldn’t put down the bottle while he was growing inside. Today, he faces a serious surgery with a high rate of failure. Yet, without the surgery, there is a high rate of failure. It’s all overwhelming and sad. As I watch him delight in the antics of my adorable nephew and see the worry on my baby sister’s face, my heart cries. I am overwhelmed. I want to scream…WHY? Why? Haven’t we suffered enough?
A honorable man passed away at age 94, one of the last survivors of the USS Enterprise from World War II. His memorial service was this week. It was at the former church I attended. I decided to go. As we drove a road eerily familiar from time past, in my proper skirt and top (I did rebel by wearing my sandals so you could see my pretty blue toenails!), my husband asked me if we were doing the right thing. I said yes. I was going to honor a man who provoked me to “Go with Jesus!” service after service after service until I finally listened, and WENT WITH JESUS! Yet, there was a morbid sense of curiosity. What had changed? Who would be there? Would the pastor be humble, or would it be another show of who he thought he was? Would it be about how great the “BODY” was…or would it be about honoring a man who truly loved God and served him with every bit of his mind, soul and body?
I was bemused to see the building had not changed. Not a bit. It was like walking into the memories in my head. The people…yep, still pretty much the same. I was thrilled to see a few people that I have missed dearly. I enjoyed hearing the tales of a man who was sent to a people who needed him. My heart leaped for joy when a friend of his said, “The best thing I remember, was just being with him.”
I chuckled when I heard Jesus say, “I like just being with you too.” Sigh. Did I tell you just how much I love this guy, Jesus?
I left realizing that I felt nothing. No pain. No remorse. No shame. Last night confirmed, that I have finally removed THOSE chains from my feet and hands. Hear that? It’s the sound of freedom ringing in my soul tonight.
As I ponder on this week, I am reminded of my father’s favorite scripture, Isaiah 40:31.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.
Dear Lord, renew my strength. I am tired and weary. My feet do not want to continue this long journey. I want to quit. Let someone else be a voice, be an intercessor, be heartbroken. I will wait Lord. I know you hear me and will give me the strength to continue another day. Strength to keep sharing my truth. Strength to stand up in the face of evil. Strength to continue this path.